I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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