Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
