I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
