Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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