I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
