I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
