you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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