Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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