Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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