Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize