how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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