Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
