you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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