Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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