God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
