this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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