Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
