During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
