coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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