R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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