I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
