dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
