I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
