ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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