I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
