Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
