one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
