my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
