Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
