Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sober January is a disaster.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
