the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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