On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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