I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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