I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
