it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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