Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
