Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
