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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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