I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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