can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
is it fun? or sober?
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