I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize