"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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