a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
