no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
