y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
