Someone shit on the floor
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
