Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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