God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
