drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
