Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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