You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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