In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just had sex bonerless
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
