My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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