So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
