I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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