I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
