Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
