I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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