break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
