my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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