You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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