i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
