We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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